2016 was a pretty mediocre year. Everything was decent until December 17th. I remember it was the holiday season and I was a Hot Mess. Until this point, I had been sulking and throwing my favorite gathering- you know, the pity party.
I had my favorite things: ice cream, Moscato, Law and Order, and of course, pity. I remember scrolling on Instagram and thinking, “Damn, he’s doing this”….”oh and she’s poppin, too.”
As if that wasn’t enough, I took the party to Facebook and that really turned it up: “So and so is getting married”…”she’s engaged”…”and they’re having a baby?!” These were some of my immediate thoughts.
And just like that, I was caught in the social media trap. You know, the one where you compare yourself and your situation to people online because they (seemingly) have a better life than you? Cause everything was given to them, they don’t know struggle, and they don’t have to count their calories.
Now, while I was not new to this type of behavior, this time proved to be a little different- I blamed everybody else for my emotions and why I wasn’t where I was “supposed” to be at this time in my life. I blamed my recruiter because I went in as enlisted instead of the officer route. And I blamed him because we weren’t together cause he was just trash. Oh, and lets not forget about God answering everybody else instead of me.
And out of nowhere the thought popped up: “Stop playing the victim, girl.”
We blame people for a lot of issues we have and while some people do contribute to our problems, we can’t forget the role we play(ed) in our situation.
Ultimately, we are the captain of our fate. You are solely responsible for the reality you inhabit. Is self-evaluation easy?-Nah. But at some point, you have to let that hurt go. You can’t always bask in being the victim because it does get old rather quickly. While you’re sitting home sulking, people are out here living their best Cardi B lives.
You reclaim your power when you stop playing the victim and go get it! Whatever “it” is, that’s for you to decide.
As always with love,